Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im holly from the hills drunk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
