All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
