Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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