Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
