Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
