Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
