everyone is single if you try hard enough
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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