Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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