Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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