Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
