so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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