His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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