i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
