So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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