I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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