I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How does it feel to date your dad?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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