6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize