Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She bit a glass in half.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
