So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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