Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
