Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this