ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™