toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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