So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom