I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM