You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
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After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.