dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
