I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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