it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
