I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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