Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
