Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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