Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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