It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
