its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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