so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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