I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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