she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
