He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
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There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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