I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
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Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize