very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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