I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
