it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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