Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
