You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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