why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have fence marks all over my body
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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