just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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