theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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