He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
