you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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