why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
