i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
