sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
