you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
