I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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