God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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