Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
