dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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