Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
