Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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