Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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