I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your penis caused this!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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