Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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