I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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