Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
