doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
