Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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