Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
