I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
