I looked at my own cervix.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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