Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
