For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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