He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
