i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
