i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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