idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Say something about gay babies.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
