Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
