i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
