I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
