I wish I only lived at night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
