We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
