If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize