a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
