I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
