I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
