It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
