I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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