Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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