I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
